Image via ashleybendiksen.com
Staff Writer: Maya Pontes
Email: mpontes4@umassd.edu
On September 28, UMass Dartmouth students from all majors came together to discuss harm and abuse prevention, which can be common in college communities. In the auditorium, Ashley Bendiksen shared her life’s work, and left an impression with our community.
Driven by her own experience, Bendiksen works to educate people all around the world on abuse prevention, victim support, and trauma resilience.
Abuse and harassment culture can sustain itself in silence. The more we talk about these “taboo” topics, the better we can identify and prevent harm. Bendiksen explained that for our communities to change, we must refuse to stay silent. Changing the culture doesn’t start at the extreme; it starts with, say, calling out that joke that’s not really funny or checking in on a situation that feels off.
This desire to challenge these norms is supported throughout the UMass Dartmouth community. The event was sponsored by The Center for Women, Gender & Sexuality (CWGS), Athletics Department, and the Office of Student Engagement & Leadership (OSEL). Students involved in Greek life and athletics were encouraged to come, and some classes even offered it as extra credit.
What initially seems like a hard conversation can become easier when we get to the heart of these issues.
Bendiksen started her talk by sharing her experience with abuse and how it greatly influenced who she is today.
“So much of what I experienced, I thought it was just me; I thought I was alone,” she said. She stressed the importance of education on these topics, explaining that all it takes is learning some language to start advocating for yourself.
At the core of these conversations is understanding foundational concepts like consent and respecting other people’s bodily autonomy.
“You have a right to choose what happens to your body, and what you participate in,” Bendiksen said. Instilling these simple concepts in our culture can stop harm more than we may think.
Bendiksen highlighted that consent is about more than intimacy, that it can pertain to all aspects of life. It is deciding who and how people touch you, talk to you, or refer to you. Additionally, she explained consent is freely given and reversible, and it is not meant to be pressured or coerced.
These are things we learn in middle school, yet sometimes the culture does not reflect that.
“This is an issue on college campuses. In fact, young people your age experience things like dating violence and sexual assault at higher rates than any other population,” Bendiksen said.
When getting down to it, consent is about respecting other people’s boundaries, choices, and recognizing them as a person who gets to decide how they move through the world and what they do.
Given the prevalent nature of these topics, Bendiksen outlined some “red flags” to look out for in dating culture. It all starts with isolation, then manipulation, and control. However, the biggest red flag of all? How you feel inside.
Abuse is confusing. It can make you lose yourself and question what you are doing wrong. It can make you blame yourself and look for explanations. This makes it hard to recognize harm and get help.
Bendiksen explained that the most important part of a relationship is how you feel after spending time with someone.
It all comes down to one core question: Does your partner make you feel safe and supported?
Understanding these concepts can help more than the individual. It is how to help a friend; how you help your community.
Bendiksen closed her talk by sharing how she was able to recover and rebuild herself after experiencing abuse. She shared how she got to where she is today and why she is so passionate about this work.
These conversations aren’t about canceling people or labeling them as good or bad, it is about holding each other accountable and creating a culture where everyone feels safe. Encouraging these conversations can build a culture that leads to a better tomorrow for our entire college community.