Staff Writer: Julian Cassady email@example.com Imagine waking up in your dorm at midnight, stomach growling because you waited too long to get a meal before the dining hall closed. All you can think of is food, and you remember that there’s a vending machine in the common area with all of your favorite $2.00 candy bars. Stumbling out of bed, you absentmindedly grab two one-dollar … Continue reading Consumer Price Index Report: March 2022, What The Data Means For You
Staff Writer: Roxanne Hepburn firstname.lastname@example.org On Wednesday, April 6th, 2022, in a 5-4 split, the Supreme Court employed a shadow docket to temporarily reinstated a Trump-Era environmental regulation limiting states’ power to enforce the Clean Water Act on large energy projects looking to fast-track their timelines. The basis of the Clean Water Act (CWA) was initially enacted in 1948 and was known as the Federal … Continue reading The Supreme Court Reverts Back to Trump-Era Clean Water Act Regulations Using a Shadow Docket
Staff Writer: Carolyn Doremus email@example.com Since the February 24th Russian invasion of Ukraine, people living across the globe have become much more aware of the Russo-Ukrainian War, and if they weren’t knowledgeable about the history between the two countries already, have been provided with more information through the news coverage. One name in particular that of course has become more commonly seen across the world … Continue reading Zelenskyy: Servant of the People
By Maya Arruda Email: marruda7@umassdtorch If you’re a commuter student or had any reason to travel off campus in the last month, chances are you’ve noticed the green and white lawn signs saying to “Defend Dartmouth: Vote Yes April 5th” with the picture of a drawing on the side and no other caveat or explanation. Well, if you don’t keep track of local Dartmouth events, … Continue reading The Life or Death of the Dartmouth Indian
Staff Writer: Julian Cassady Email: firstname.lastname@example.org *This article is written as a parody for the Torchure. Kentucky Fried Chicken has just announced a special promotion available in select locations, dubbed “Chicken Grab,” which will be available starting on April 1st, 2022. There will be a buffet-style table with various portions of its famously seasoned fried chicken available to customers in the seating area. KFC has … Continue reading Chicken Grab
By: Maya Arruda Email: marruda7@umassdtorch EDP445 has made his return to social media, despite every single person including your deity of choice not wanting him there. He was more of a niche YouTuber who did a mix of sports coverage, namely the Philadelphia Eagle football team, and more general vlogs reminiscent of a train wreck. Those who only watch mainstream sports media would recognize him … Continue reading Guess Who’s Back
Staff Writer: Roxanne Hepburn email@example.com *This article is written as a parody for the Torchure. Archie Comics has been a beloved comic book series since its creation in 1941 and stands as the longest-running publication to come from M.L.J. Magazines, Inc. The series faced a relaunch in 2015, restarting at issue #1 with a new and improved look designed to draw in a new generation … Continue reading If You Like Archie Comics, Then You Will Love This . . .
By Maya Arruda Email: firstname.lastname@example.org *This article is written as a parody for the Torture. At the last meeting of the Republic Galactic Senate, Chancellor Sheev Palpatine declared a reformatting of the Republic in order to provide greater galactic stability for not just the men, but the women and children, too, following the attempted Jedi rebellion and the end of the Clone Wars. Before the … Continue reading Man Declares Himself Galactic Emperor at Senate Meeting