Chicken Grab

(mashed.com)

Staff Writer: Julian Cassady

Email: jcassady@umassd.edu

*This article is written as a parody for the Torchure.

Kentucky Fried Chicken has just announced a special promotion available in select locations, dubbed “Chicken Grab,” which will be available starting on April 1st, 2022.

There will be a buffet-style table with various portions of its famously seasoned fried chicken available to customers in the seating area. KFC has hinted in press releases that this promotion will surely go “viral” and “create buzz around social media”.

The nationwide fast-food chain has mostly kept the details surrounding the promotion under wraps but just recently came forward saying that customers will be able to grab as much chicken as possible, for only $20.

Here’s the catch; there will be no tongs provided and customers will only be able to take as much chicken as they can carry, no bags or other storage containers are allowed to help increase chicken-grabbing capabilities. Additionally, customers are only given 30 seconds to grab as much chicken as their bare hands can hold.

Word of this promotion has already gained viral attention on social media platforms such as Facebook and Tiktok, with users giving very mixed feedback; ranging from utter excitement to complete disgust. Some people are worried that the stipulations attached to the promotion are tone-deaf to the COVID-19 pandemic. Stating that “grabbing chicken with your bare hands is a health risk and can transmit deadly germs”.

Despite the criticism, “Chicken Grab” has been widely acclaimed for being the next big thing in fast food. Celebrity chefs have even come forward to praise the promotion and sponsor events at KFC locations. The iconic Guy Fieri has become the de facto mascot of the event, standing alongside Colonel Sanders in numerous advertising campaigns to stir hype. When asked why sponsor such a controversial business move, Guy Fieri responded, “I just want people to feel like they’re eating with their extended family.”

Gordon Ramsay has been extremely outspoken about his distaste for KFC’s wild new gimmick. Throughout the lead-up to the “Chicken Grab,” Ramsay stated that American food culture is at its lowest low. Gordon Ramsay has repeatedly pleaded with KFC to cease all operations with “Chicken Grab” and to apologize to the public through an advertising campaign.

Today, it looks like the “Chicken Grab” dream will become a reality. Even through the onslaught of controversy and criticism, KFC still claims they will 100% go through with their promise of $20 all-you-can-grab fried chicken portions. So what does this mean for KFC? In the short term, their sales are expected to increase dramatically and they’ll now be labeled as a buffet restaurant. However, in the long run, KFC is expected to reap what it has sown and succumb to the negative outcry of the greater public who disagrees with its new catering style.

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