By H.P. Loveshack.
DISCLAIMER: This article is part of The Torch’s annual “Torchure” issue, the April fools Issue. During the Torchure, our journalistic ethics and commitment to the truth hop on the earliest bus out of town, and we spend the better part of the week trying to coax them back with cannolies and baby oil. The Torch will return to faithful, truthful coverage of UMass Dartmouth-centric news next week, until then, enjoy whatever this is?
This past week, the internet’s favorite chef set his sights on UMass Dartmouth’s Mondo subs shop with a brand new Kitchen Nightmares episode. Despite the show ending it’s run time on Fox a few years ago, Gordon Ramsay felt so passionate about the thought of this segment that he had to bring the show back.
The installment featured tears, anger, heartache, triumph and me waiting 15 minutes for my sandwich. All of these elements put together were a recipe for the highest rated television episode of ALL TIME. So many people tuned in to watch the program that half of the United States even lost power.
TV and movie critic, Matheus De Sousa writes “The homie in line looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks…gross. Oh yeah! And the episode was amazing.”
…I was only slightly offended.
Anyway, Ramsay spent much of his time searching for Mondo’s deepest and darkest secrets but his efforts were to no avail. Not a glimpse of rotten produce or moldy bread crossed his path. He quickly realized that the sub shop built on a swamp was perfection incarnate.
Following his inspection, it was time for the British chef to try the food out and to no one’s surprise, he loved it. In fact, the seemingly “tough guy, occasional bully” began to cry after his first bite. Many who witnessed the event likened it to the time Squidward tried a Krabby Patty.
There have been points in the show’s career where Ramsay actually enjoyed a dish prepared for him but there was nothing quite like this.
“Mondo’s is God’s gift to this f*cking planet !” exclaimed Ramsay.
During his time in Dartmouth, he even got to knowing the locals to help get a better understanding of the sub shop. One student in particular was Alex Toner. On Twitter, Toner writes “Yeah, meeting Gordon at first was sick but now this guy won’t leave me alone…”
He continues “Every day during my physics class he comes in to make me leave 10 minutes early so we can beat the lunch rush…it’s ridiculous.”
In a recent interview held over the free online chat website Omegle, Ramsay confirmed that he would be closing all of his current restaurant locations and taking up a dishwashing position at Mondo’s. He then added that he hopes to one day open up a restaurant that could be even a fraction of how successful Mondo’s is.
This episode of kitchen Nightmares has created a lot of buzz amongst the culinary community as well. Though it has not been confirmed yet, it seems that there is talk of Wolfgang Puck and Bobby Flay also paying Mondo’s a visit later in the semester. Guy Fieri was asked to join but he’s currently in Europe on a playoff run for his adult bowling league.
It should also be noted that Ramsay took one step into Res and shut it down immediately…so…pack a lunch, I guess?