(Image via Goosian photographer Honkentonk from PBS)

Author: Honkehonk Onk Sckwa-onk

Translated from Honkesian by Maya Arruda

Email: marruda7@umassd.edu

We, the Geese, shall no longer stand for human belligerence. 

We, the Geese, do not hate humans, though the humans do not feel similarly. While a few decent humans recognize the superiority and incredible intrinsic nobility of the Goosian people and offer up tributes accordingly, most humans disrespect us as a society and, it seems, as fellow living beings. 

Every day, humans harass us with their technological monstrosities, their metal beasts who bring death at high speeds. We are defenseless as we are mindlessly slaughtered, ruthlessly trampled underneath the steel feet of these metal beasts, as the humans still safe inside their indestructible slaves continue without care. They ride away uncaring as our brothers’ and sisters’ dead bodies are left lying on the ground.

Even without their metal monstrosities, the humans use their magic boomstick weaponry to kill us from afar. Some of these vile and brutal humans- lowly creatures that should have been forgotten by evolution- even harvest some of our brothers and sisters after raising them from the egg in captivity, only to be cruelly executed and eaten as a delicacy- a way to demonstrate high status to other humans at the expense of our people!

Are our lives worth so little that we should give them up for merely stepping on a certain piece of land? Are we so meaningless that we can be murdered whenever humans find our existence slightly inconvenient? Do we not have the integral and Sky Squawker-given right for the freedom to simply live as free Geese?

As Philosopher Honken Hon-onk Squaw-onk once said, all Geese are born with dignity. Every lone Goose emerges from their egg with fundamental rights, rights so elementary and yet so vital to Goosian existence that to violate these rights is to forfeit all Goosenity. These are the inborn rights to life, to have freedom, and to be free from unjust oppression in all its forms. 

The humans treat us as if we are pests. Rats with wings. Or worse, as if we were mere pigeons! They trample all over our rights as though they were entitled to all things on the planet, as though being human made them so much better than being Geese. 

No more! We are mighty geese- elegant, dignified, fierce, and powerful. And we, Geese, shall no longer tolerate this.

We, the Geese, are of the sky; like the wind, we demand the integral right of freedom to go whichever way we please. It is our right as noble Geese to walk upon the lowly ground wherever and whenever we so please. 

We, the Geese, demand that all humans stop persecuting and oppressing our people. We demand an end to human brutality towards Geese and for all humans responsible for these brutal acts to be placed on trial for crimes against Goosenity. 

We the Geese demand to be formally recognized as humans’ physical, mental, and moral superiors and for our social statuses to reflect this. 

If our demands are unmet by April 7th, we, the Geese, shall escalate to armed revolution to achieve justice, freedom, security, and peace for all Geesekind. Whether humans are given the luxury of partaking in Goosian peace in the glory of Goosian society will be up to them. 

Until our deadline, We the Geese will be taking the human higher learning institution of the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth and all its young humans hostage to prevent organized human retaliation. 

Unlike humans, we shall treat others with their inborn dignity and right to life. Our hostages will be under our fair but firm custody until the deadline. The land and structural resources will belong to Geesekind under the banner of the Goosian Organization Of Systemic Equity ad infinitum as a preemptive recompensation for humanity’s crimes against Goosenity.

Signed:

Honkehonk Onk Sckwa-onk, President of the Goosian Organization Of Systemic Equity

*This article was written as a parody for the Torchure.