Chancellor Johnson will eat at res for every meal

By Manny Ramirez, Staff Writer

In a shocking statement by UMass Dartmouth’s new Chancellor Dr. Robert E. Johnson, he  has announced that every meal he eats during his tenure at UMass Dartmouth will be in the Market Place also known as Res.

Johnson claims that since the Platinum Meal Plan, which is the only plan available to first year students living on campus, essentially forces first-years to eat every meal at Res, he will do the same in an effort to be more relatable to students.

Johnson was quoted saying, “I don’t care how much I am making for a salary, I am the leader of the students and I eat what they eat.”

When asked if he minded the food as most students have cited problems with food on-campus, Johnson claimed he also hated it, however he also noted that he is a man of the people as well as a man of his word.

“I will not budge on this vow until the first-years are given a more formidable meal plan by the university!” said Johnson

According to Chancellor Johnson as well as a number of university staff members, he cannot change the meal plan himself as former Chancellor Divina Grossman had a very obscure clause added in her contract just days before she was fired.

The clause read that if she was let go as Chancellor before having been at the helm for five years, then first-years must eat Res for every meal for the next twenty-five years.

While Johnson is committed to finding a way to end the Res madness that Grossman has caused, she seems just as determined to keep all the firt-years  eating Res and Res only. Grossman has even threatened to sue the UMass system if the first-years are granted any meal swipes to Birch or On-The-Go Carts.

However, Johnson has threatened to counter-sue citing negligence as hundreds of first-years at UMass are being subjected to horrible stomach pains due to the poor food quality as Res.

While our nation seems as divided as it’s ever been, this issue seems to be one that everyone can agree on. Across the board regardless of political beliefs all first-years agree that the platinum membership must change.

Some first-years have even began to claim that Res is causing strange changes in their behavior, giving validity to Johnson’s concerns.

An unnamed source claimed that in high school he was a 4.0 student, who never drank or used drugs. Now that the student is at UMass Dartmouth and eating Res two-three times a day, the student claims his GPA has dropped below a 2.7 and that he  drinks at least three times a week.

Is this simply poor decision making by a young adult living without parents for the first time or is Res driving the young man to insanity? The answer is very obvious: it’s Res.

If you’d like to join Chancellor Johnson in his fight against Res he will be holding a meeting in the main auditorium April 3rd, 2016 at 5 p.m. After the meeting, the Chancellor will lead a charge of students into Res for dinner, he encourages members of all classes to come.

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