By Manny Ramirez, Staff Writer In a shocking statement by UMass Dartmouth’s new Chancellor Dr. Robert E. Johnson, he has announced that every meal he eats during his tenure at UMass Dartmouth will be in the Market Place also known as Res. Johnson claims that since the Platinum Meal Plan, which is the only plan available to first year students living on campus, essentially forces … Continue reading Chancellor Johnson will eat at res for every meal
By Michaella Lesieur, Staff Writer Have you been feeling a little bit nauseated lately, maybe some lack of motivation, and extreme partying over the past consecutive days? Well…The Torch is no doctor but we think you have a case of the senioritis. Senioritis is most known to effect seniors and the symptoms can vary from person to person. However, watch out because it is extremely … Continue reading The very severe case of Senioritis
By The Fresh Prince, Staff Writer One week ago, UMass Dartmouth maintenance employees and volunteers began clearing trees and cleaning up the area in and around the Dell Woods in preparation for the approaching warm weather. The restoration occurs every spring, but this year, something extraordinary happened. Two male employees, who will remain unnamed for their protection, discovered a shiny, oddly shaped rock near the … Continue reading Gold discovered in Dell Woods
By Jonathan Moniz, Staff Writer Beginning with reports of a tunnel under the campus for UMass Dartmouth, members of the student body began to report hearing strange sounds coming from the seedy underbelly of the campus. It was only two weeks later that the first reports of a massive rat came in. Early reports were of a cheese sandwich missing here, another, some chewed up … Continue reading Gigantic vermin found under UMass Dartmouth
By Schmee Bubbly Sbubbly, Brand New Staff Writer Hey there reading audiense! So, I always wanted to get a job because mom was like “Get a job Schmee!” and so I was searching a round Dartmouth fore some jobs and I didn’t find any jobs and mom was mad and I was gonna give up but then my buddy from the Ivy Leag school Umass … Continue reading Are very own collage news paper hyring illiterate peoples now
By Pat Briggs, Staff Writer In a stunning turn of events, UMass Dartmouth has gone from worst to first as far as school beauty goes. Last year, the school was named ugliest school in America and this year it was named the most beautiful. Yes, you heard that correctly. Finally, after being built in the mid-1960’s and constantly scrutinized for its horrid architecture, the world … Continue reading I love concrete and you should too
By The Fresh Prince, Staff Writer It’s been just slightly over two months since Gary Johnson was sworn in as the 45th President of the United States. He won by a landslide back in November, as predicted, while his Democratic and Republican counterparts, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, never stood a chance. The former Governor of New Mexico promised that his philosophy of being socially … Continue reading How is President Gary Johnson doing so far?
By Zack Downing, Staff Writer One of America’s most popular pastimes over the last century has been fighting the higher power in the forms of protesting and rioting. Every year, Americans tune in to their favorite news station to root for the side they think deserves to be victorious. Its popularity has gotten the nation to start wondering one thing: Should protesting be called a … Continue reading Is protesting a sport?
By Alex Solari, Staff Writer Remember when everyone scoffed at Bernie becoming president? When people pointed and laughed at “Feel the Bern” stickers? Well guess what? Bernie’s back, and better than ever! Sanders just did what everyone thought was impossible: taking over the Trump administration and destroying every one of the policies Trump has put into place, along with stealing the beloved Melania Trump from … Continue reading Bernie becomes president through flash mob
By Michaella Lesieur, Staff Writer Okay, so what student can own their own multimillion dollar company, while only being 22 years old? No questions asked – anyone can! It’s called determination, hard work, and a little bit of luck. So, you may be wondering what this multimillion dollar company is… You might want to check the back tag of your newest shirt you are wearing. … Continue reading Owning my own multimillion dollar company