By Alex Solari, Staff Writer
Remember when everyone scoffed at Bernie becoming president? When people pointed and laughed at “Feel the Bern” stickers? Well guess what? Bernie’s back, and better than ever!
Sanders just did what everyone thought was impossible: taking over the Trump administration and destroying every one of the policies Trump has put into place, along with stealing the beloved Melania Trump from Donald’s grasp. You might be asking, how did Bernie do this? How does one take down The Donald?
Two words: Flash. Mob. Bernie Sanders had a meeting with President Trump on Saturday, April 1, to discuss Trump’s healthcare plan.
As Bernie was leaning to shake Trump’s hand, the unexpected happened.
Suddenly, a group of 20 Bernie supporters stepped behind the two, dancing and stomping to the beat of “We Will Rock You” by Queen. Immediately, Trump stormed out of his office, screaming obscenities and declaring that he’s “done with this nonsense White House.”
This was much to Bernie’s surprise, who expected this prank to get him and his supporters arrested. According to Sanders, “The flash mob was done to simply make a point about the power of protest and the right us Americans have to freedom of speech. But hey, I’ll take the presidency!”
Hours after the flash mob, Trump addressed the public, saying that he and his administration were officially leaving the White House within the month. When asked why he made this decision, Trump said, “I wasn’t fit for this position. I’m a business man, and America couldn’t handle their country being treated like a business.”
Melania Trump was relieved by this, telling the public that, “The first lady position didn’t feel right. To be honest, I never knew anything about politics in the first place. When your husband’s the president, you just go through the motions!”
After this public statement, Sanders figured he should talk with her about her experience in the White House, and how she feels the administration could have been improved.
At their lunch date at Five Guys, former President Obama’s favorite spot, Bernie told Melania of his split with his wife, Jane, and the two bonded over their hatred for their spouses. Melania realized that her relevancy would be lost with her husband stepping down as president, and decided that she would lure Bernie in with her strikingly good looks.
Of course, the Bern couldn’t deny beautiful Melania, and it has been announced that she will be moving back into the White House with Bernie, and the two will be set to marry right after both Bernie’s and Melania’s divorces are finalized.
Bernie has been on the hunt for a Vice President, with household names like Ellen Degeneres and Oprah Winfrey at the forefront.
“Well, everyone hated the Trump Administration, and I would really like to be likeable, Sanders said, laughing. “And really, who could possibly hate Ellen or Oprah?”
In terms of the plans Bernie has, not much has been said.
The only statement Sanders has made about policies has been, “There’s been enough proposals and laws put forth in the two months of Trump’s presidency. I think, for now, the country needs to recover from the turmoil as a result of the Trump Administration, and within a month I will let the United States know of my plans for our bright future.”
Though this response isn’t exactly promising, I would rather see Bernie do nothing than to see Trump destroy the country.
I’m ecstatic to see Bernie as president, especially since I still have one of those “Feel the Bern” stickers on my car. Now I can be relevant again, just like Melania!
It’s a bit odd to see Melania and Bernie as a couple, but Melania seemed quite miserable in her marriage with Trump, so I hope to see both of them live happily ever after.
As long as Bernie doesn’t plan on building a wall or repealing the Affordable Care Act, I think we’re in the clear.
Congrats Bernie and Melania, and I can’t wait to see what you do with our country’s future!