Taking another bite out of the forbidden fruit

iphone 2.jpg

Dylan Botelho, Staff Writer

It’s here, Apple’s newest update of the same old iPhone. Along with the iPhone 8, Apple has released a brand new state-of-the-art piece of technology…the iPhone X.

Now before I say anything else, why are we just skipping the 9? Nobody appreciates the number 9 out in Silicon Valley. No Windows 9, no iPhone 9, it’s almost like 7 8 9 and now it’s gone forever.

Apple has been killing it, dominating the mobile world year in and year out over the inferior Android devices.

Tim Cook has always given his fans EXACTLY what they want, by doing things like removing the audio port!

These new iPhones are different though, trust me. Still have an iPhone 5? Throw that piece of garbage out. iPhone 6? That’ll stop working soon. iPhone 7? Just upgrade.

There’s one thing the iPhone 8 and X can offer that none of these other phones can… it’s bigger. YES! BIGGER! Now you can hunch around campus with a MacBook in your book bag and a MacBook in your pocket, because that’s just what we all wanted.

The X is a technological feat, showing just how far we’ve come with technology.

50 years ago, people thought we’d have flying cars and holograms everywhere; they could never have predicted the technology we have now though, something much greater than flying cars, holograms, or even ending world hunger.

No, instead we have face controlled animated emojis. Now you can send your friends not just any poop emoji, but your face as a poop emoji. It’s as if Apple is mocking you, literally calling you a shithead to your face. 

With animated emojis comes Apple’s new facial recognition. Sound a little big brotherish to you? I’m not building my fallout shelter with a tin-foil hat on, while thinking about the lizard people who control the world, but it’s hard not to be a little skeptical of face identification.

It seems as we’re headed toward the future we’ve been warned about for decades. Don’t get me wrong, the introduction of this face identification on our phones is awesome, but if the wrong person or organization begins to utilize a now common technology, we should all be weary.

A full glass screen and glass-back on the iPhone 8 is what makes the new phones especially different. Think you had enough heart attacks with previous phones? Imagine cracking the ENTIRE thing!

If you’re one of those people who like to live life on the edge, you might want to rethink your decisions and put a case on this one, or else you’ll be googling DIY rainbow color glass cracks like we’re back in 2011.

If you’re sitting here reading this thinking, “There’s just no way I’ll be able to afford this, especially with all the amazing additions.” Well… you’re absolutely right!

The iPhone 8 will run you north of $699 and the 8+ will cost you an extra $100, while the iPhone X will cost a whole $999!

Practically a grand for the same exact iOS 11 we’re all running on, a slightly better camera, a full glass screen (do we even need that?), and face ID so you can send everyone animated poop emojis!

At the end of the day though, I’ll be buying the new iPhone sooner or later. I have to. You have to. We just have to accept that we’re all slaves to Apple’s game for one reason and one reason only. Nobody wants to be the green bubble text guy.

Photo Courtesy: The Verge


Leave a Reply