By Dylan Botelho, Staff Writer
You cannot sit here and say that Tide’s multicolored detergent pods don’t look delicious. I know that when I see them, I want to dump the bucket out, shove a few at a time in my mouth, chew that plastic up, swallow it down, and there’s nothing none of you can say or do to stop me.
So clearly, I fully support Tide’s new venture into the food industry. Think about the disgusting food thousands upon thousands of people eat daily from fast food places. So what is so wrong with some flavorful laundry detergent pods? There are surely worst things you can eat.
Not only do they taste like a mix of “rainbows and magic” but Tide Pods also just look so scrumptious! You give me detergent in a glass and say “Hey, drink this, it’s laundry detergent,” and I say, “HELL NO.” Give me a convenient pod in various primary colors however, and I’m all in.
Of course just like anything, Tide Pods began their rise to the top of the food world thanks to the Internet. First it was the “cinnamon challenge” and now the spunky, zany teens thought it would be funny to start the “Tide Pod challenge.” Is it really a challenge though when it’s delicious? You don’t see me going around posting videos of me eating buffalo chicken saying “buffalo chicken challenge,” because that’s not a challenge. Actually, I would prefer to do that.
Things were going well too! Kids were biting into their parent’s bright colored detergent packets, cooking them up in frying pans, and trying to swallow them whole but that … that was before the adults got involved.
Just like usual, they had to ruin everything.
The adults continued to spread fake news about 2018’s best snack, saying that they are “highly concentrated, toxic detergent.” The only thing highly concentrated about eating a Tide Pod is FUN. So far in 2018, there have been 37 reported teenagers who intentionally exposed themselves to the packets, which in my opinion is just too little.
You would think that being as delicious as they are, that more people would be eating the Tide Pods. As we see though, the power of the adults has already begun to affect Tide’s sales in the food business. They may say we’re ruining restaurants like Applebee’s and Buffalo Wild Wings but us millennials are single-handedly supporting companies with new and better ingredients.
In all reality though, we’re all adults here. I think we’re all smart enough too to not eat freaking laundry detergent. This whole craze just shows how powerful the Internet really is. I would have never even looked at a Tide Pod and said, “that looks like something you could eat.” Now over the last few weeks though, the lines have been blurred. Memes are such a constant in my life at least, that the first thing I think when someone says Tide Pod, is “mmm, delicious” not “why do I care about your Tide Pods.”
So please, don’t eat Tide Pods. I shouldn’t have to tell you that but I feel like I do. I really do, especially after writing about how delicious they are this entire time. Oh and no, I haven’t tried one and if you didn’t pop one in your mouth after I said they tasted like “rainbows and magic,” you shouldn’t either. They’re to keep your clothes nice and fresh, not your mouth. If you want to keep that clean though try this toothpaste thing, I tell you it works wonders.