This is a source of parody, satire, and humor and is for entertainment purposes only, published for the week of April Fools. Said posts or stories may or may not use real names, always in semi-real and/or mostly, or substantially, fictitious ways. As the purpose of said stories is to entertain and amuse and not to disparage any persons, or institutions, in any way and no malice is intended toward anyone or anything, nor should any be construed from the satirically based stories and fake news items. This is not a source of facts or real information. That means all items or stories published for Issue 20 of The Torch are fictitious.
By Alex Kerravala, Staff Writer
We all have those friends in middle school; those friends that are seemingly perfect, albeit a little high strung. The ones who don’t eat a bite of sweets out of fear of it damaging their physique. The ones who, with the guidance of their parents, go on to do great things.
And then, we have the others. The ones who aren’t guided by their parents, but instead routed into a particular path in life. The ones with helicopter parents trying to make their child a perfect specimen, to the point where they work mind and body so hard one of them eventually snaps.
Well, this was the case of an old friend of mine, who, for the sake of privacy, I will call Will. Now, Will was a good kid, a fun loving kid, so long as you weren’t at his house. Not because there wasn’t anything to do, of course, but rather because his parents were a bit, as far as suburban parents go, strict. Now, understand I say this with no exaggeration, when I say Will’s reward for completing the school year without any bad marks was half a candy bar.
Of course, I never saw the other side of this, but I can only imagine what happened when he DIDN’T meet said expectations. However, they must have been pretty intense, as in his senior year, right after turning eighteen, golden boy Will dropped out of high school, packed his car, and drove to California to start fresh. Now, what would “start fresh” mean to someone? Well, to Will here, it means rambling into his phone camera about some existential threat to a person’s well being every few months, as if he were some great sage the likes of which have never before been seen.
He begins nearly every video with “If this video resonates with you share it with everyone you know. We need to wake as many as possible.” before delving into his ramblings. One such ramblings, titled “Rage Against The Darkness,” discusses bettering oneself, and how this, combined with “Raging against the darkness” grants you with limitless opportunities
He has other such quotes as “Attach yourself to the thoughts that match the vibrations you want to emanate,” as well as “Life is just one long moment with sleep in between. You’re already dead. Might as well live like it.”
Such ramblings can be found at a Youtube channel called Exponential Flow. Be warned, this is where the rabbit hole begins.
On top of a Youtube channel, my good bud Will also has a Website by the same name, showing more of his deteriorating mind. Now, what Will is trying to say isn’t super easy to explain, so Ill present his explanation, than give you my own following extensive digging.
“Flow Exponential is an entity. It grows and interacts with the world. Exponential Flow is a conceptual framework, a compass rose.”
Now, again, this doesn’t quite explain what “exponential flow” is, but obviously it’s pretty important. After all, he named his website, youtube channel, and perhaps cult after it.
He does give some explanation of what it is, even if it doesn’t make any sense.
“Nothingness, the unknown, universe, hiiipower, god that thing you can’t put a name on, can’t quite muster the words for but oh it’s there. It’s the deafening silence from which everything appears. It is each and everyone. Let us become familiar with this abundant world hidden right in front of us. No barriers no boundaries, no limits-
“Little did i know this was the seed of exponential flow, of Flow Exponential.”
Sp exponential flow, flow exponential is his god. His Universe, his substance holding together the very fabrics of reality.
According to him, anyways. I have a different view of the universe. Or, his universe, rather.
I believe Will took a trip to california and spent one too many days in the sun. Or, rather than that, much like what lead him to run away from home in the first place, he snapped under the pressure of living alone with no money or plans and created a new, bizarre worldview the world probably never needed to see.
Whether we needed to see it or not is not necessary, though, as his website and Youtube channel exist regardless.
I strongly recommend you take a trip down a broken psyche and view Will’s life as we know it now at a Youtube channel called Flow Exponential, or you can just google that same term and find his website. Feel free to witness his slow decline in mental state, from a cheery eyed 18 year old fresh to the world, to a deadpan scruffy bum who burns a cigarette into his own arm.