(Image via maintenanceandcure.com)

Media Production Manager: Lilly Lafleur

Email: Llafleur@umassd.edu

Early this year, the University of Massachusetts, Dartmouth fell victim to a suspicious tech outage, resulting in chaos and confusion along with a lot of raised concerns. 

The unsuspecting university was likely so unsuspecting because they probably didn’t know what a cyberattack was.

A routine audit was executed in August of 2024 by State Auditor Diane Dialga at the University of Massachusetts, Dartmouth. This audit revealed that UMassD provides no cybersecurity training for newly hired employees and no cybersecurity training for existing employees.

The State Auditor warned in their report that this cybersecurity risk, “could cause immense financial and/or reputational losses for the University.”

The Office of the State Auditor refused any comment on the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth’s current predicament.

In an interview, CITS lead at UMassD, Erik Palkia, stated that, “cyber security definitely hasn’t been and isn’t very high on the to-do list… especially with all the renovations that are going on, there’s just no time.”

One of the university’s many Vice Chancellors told interviewers that they had already started planning another LARTS renovation that is due to take place after they start and complete the current LARTS renovation.

The current renovation is due to asbestos.

The campus does appear to be undergoing several renovations, especially with crumbling stairs and caution tape blocking off most areas, and it seems the university should be putting up some digital caution tape as well.

With Science and Engineering being in the top three colleges in enrollment at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth, one would think that someone would have handled this situation with ease, though.

Instead, students were left without the ability to print on campus, a true calamity among those taking classes in which printing readings, papers, and more is required daily.

An English Professor who opted to retain his anonymity proudly boasted that he still is and will continue to require students to bring printed material to class each day to receive full credit for attendance despite many not having access to a printer.

All professors were strictly told that they were not to require students to print for class.

The English Professor denies that this applies to his courses.

All could have been avoided had the University of Massachusetts, Dartmouth required its thirty-eight million vice chancellors to take a quick module educating them on Cyber Security.

These boomers really need it spelled out to them that an email about a job opportunity offering great pay and little effort that’s coming from an email that consists of a random string of numbers and letters might just be a scam.

Not that they would need to be clicking on any job opportunities with their salaries and lack of instability in their position.

I guess to the university, hackers getting access to student information isn’t that big a deal when we need to have a Vice Chancellor of Retention and other similar titles.

(This article is written as a parody for Torchure.)