Fast and Furious franchise looks to outnumber Kidz Bop albums

Vin-Diesel-with-a-Small-Face (Furious Article)
By Chip Skylark, Staff Writer

The Fast and Furious movie franchise is notorious for arguably having made too many unnecessary movies, and many are relieved that the eighth installment will be the last. Or will it be?

Director F. Gary Gray has declared that he is not through making the action films, not for a long time. His inspiration? The prolificity of Kidz Bop.

“When I look at the list of Kidz Bop albums that exist,” F. Gary Gray told The Torch, “I think to myself, ‘Every one of those made millions of dollars. Why can’t I do that?’ So, I’ve decided that there must be more Fast films than Kidz Bop albums, so this franchise can be the all-time king of beating a dead horse.”

The challenge to overcome is outrunning Kidz Bop, which puts out two or more albums a year, and doesn’t show any signs of slowing down. We asked F. Gary Gray how he plans on making movies at such a fast pace.

“Well, I was thinking of having, like, five movies released a year. One would star Vin Diesel, one would star his stunt double, one would star the bald Ukranian guy that works for UHaul down across from that Ruby Tuesday’s, one would be Pixar animated, and one would take place in an alternate timeline wherein Vin Diesel never existed.”

According to insider information, a surprise reboot of Fast and Furious will hit theaters a week after the premiere of The Fate of the Furious this spring. From there, the movies will come at an unrelenting pace.

“We’re going to get creative with future films,” F. Gary Gray told The Torch. “We have plans for a movie about Vin Diesel racing to the moon to deliver space cocaine to moon communists. Another film will feature the whole team working to build a robot version of Paul Walker, because the fans loved him so much.”

“We were also thinking about remaking the original Fast and the Furious, except performed by dogs. We have a movie series planned to take place in Thailand, where Vin Diesel breaks the law and is then subjected to the impractical and excruciating Thai justice system for the next four movies, while being defended by his robot Paul Walker lawyer.”

“And I’m expecting to run way over budget with these things, so I also wrote a script for a really low budget Fast movie. It will look just like the Blair Witch Project, but with race cars.”

The Torch got their hands on a list of movies set for release for the next 3 years. This list is exclusive; do not share it with anyone.

Here are the next 15 Fast and Furious movies:

The Fastest and Furiousest, a Fast and Furious Christmas, The Fast and the Furious Go Green, Fast and Furious High School, Cars 4, The Fast and the Furious Slow it Down a Bit, The Passion of the Furious, The Fast and the Furious: Iowa Drift, Madea’s Furious Race, The Fast and the Furious Learn to Cook, The Fast and the Furious?, The Fast and the Furious: Hardcover Edition, I Hate the Fast and Furious Films, and The Fast and the Furious: Footrace Around the Sun.

We asked excited fans to tell us their thoughts about the leaked film list. Madeline Perry of New Bedford, M.A., replied, “Wait, this isn’t real, is it?”

Fast and Furious fan Joe Knightly of Carver, M.A., said, “What?”

America is raving about the future of the action series, and we will be at the forefront of the hype, reporting any more leaked film titles.

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