Tag: Torchure
The Goose Must Finally Be Loose: A Call for Goosian Renewal
The Geese, represented by Honkehonk Onk Sckwa-onk, demand an end to human persecution and oppression. They assert their right to freedom and dignity, threatening armed revolution if their demands are not met by April 7th. They plan to take the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth and its students hostage. Continue reading The Goose Must Finally Be Loose: A Call for Goosian Renewal
Shark Species Saved From Endangerment by Redditors
Staff Writer: Maya Arruda Email: marruda7@umassd.edu The formerly endangered shark species, Ikeamus blahajii, has finally been officially taken off the endangered species list thanks to the tireless efforts of internet activists. Commonly known as the Blahaj shark (or simply as Blahaj), this shark is important worldwide due to its important role in marine ecosystems and as a vital aspect of modern culture. Blahaj has a … Continue reading Shark Species Saved From Endangerment by Redditors
Arnie Set To Star In The Bachelor
Staff Writer: Sydney M. Cayer Email: scayer@umassd.edu Our handsome, majestic, and wonderful mascot, Arnie, will be the star of season 28 of The Bachelor. The Bachelor is a reality show that has been running since 2002 and is finishing its 27th season. The show follows an eligible bachelor on the quest to find a wife. To start off the season, the bachelor is presented with … Continue reading Arnie Set To Star In The Bachelor
UMass Dartmouth Proposes New Safety Program
Sports Editor: Shailyn Bacchiocchi Email: sbacchiocchi@umassd.edu Because of the ongoing safety concerns on campus, the University has implemented a new program to ensure students feel comfortable and secure on campus. UMass Dartmouth has started the Personal Safety Goose Program, or PSGP, to help students with their everyday lives on campus. “It’s really a great system, and we’re glad the Geese have been so willing to … Continue reading UMass Dartmouth Proposes New Safety Program
The Grove’s New Line-Up Will Be One To Remember
(Image via umassd.edu) Photography Manager: Brendan Flaherty Email: bflaherty1@umassd.edu As a new wave of food ideas for the average food enjoyer washes over, the Grove has struck gold. According to inside informant, Arnie Corsair, the Grove plans to release a new arsenal of foods. Foods that have never been seen before, or at least not in this way. In efforts to become “hip and cool” … Continue reading The Grove’s New Line-Up Will Be One To Remember
“One Of The Guys”
Staff Writer: Rena Danho Email: rdanho@umassd.edu (Image via afoodloverskitchen.com) We’ve all heard of stupid challenges popping up here and there on social media. A long time ago, around 10 years ago at this point, we saw people attempting the cinnamon challenge, where people would try to have a spoon of cinnamon in their mouth for as long as they could without spitting it out. You … Continue reading “One Of The Guys”
National Divorce and You: What You Need to Know
(Image via amazon.com) Staff Writer: Maya Arruda Email: marruda7@umassd.edu The continuous conflict between liberals and conservatives has no end in sight. As part of a last-ditch effort to avoid an all-out civil war, Congress passed a vote to approve a “National Divorce” on March 25th. In this National Divorce, the former United States of America will be split evenly into two separate nations, with 25 … Continue reading National Divorce and You: What You Need to Know
Chicken Grab
Staff Writer: Julian Cassady Email: jcassady@umassd.edu *This article is written as a parody for the Torchure. Kentucky Fried Chicken has just announced a special promotion available in select locations, dubbed “Chicken Grab,” which will be available starting on April 1st, 2022. There will be a buffet-style table with various portions of its famously seasoned fried chicken available to customers in the seating area. KFC has … Continue reading Chicken Grab
